Onward! To Freedom
"Do not get drunk
with wine, for that is debauchery; but be filled with the spirit" (Eph
5:18)
Seeking God, reading his
word-these essentials of Christian life were completely alien to me. Naturally,
I fell deep into the pit of vices and met with various crises. Alcoholism
and several other lusts ruled my life. Day by day I sank lower in degradation.
Getting drunk, using obscene
language, picking quarrels-these were a daily routine. Once, in the heat
of a drinking bout, I happened to murder a person. There was no particular
reason for doing so. Five others were wounded. I had lost the capacity
to think and reason out clearly. My heinous act was an example of the cruelty
and violence a man subject to evil passions is capable of . I had grown
up a quarrelsome person from my childhood . From the age of 17, I became
subject to alcoholism, drugs, smoking, gambling, adultery, theft and every
other conceivable vice. There was no peace in my marital life. As a watchman
in a rubber estate, I pursued my life of debauchery, totally unmindful
of my family. It was my wife who managed the household affairs with her
meagre day-wages.
I was arrested for the murder
committed in the delirium of heavy drinking. At the police station the
atrocities of the police exhausted me totally. Released on bail, I was
prepared to commit any evil. Matters became worse. Not only did I begin
drinking more heavily, but I also began selling liquor. Prayer and going
to church were taboo. It was eight years since I went to confession. I
picked a quarrel with the parish priest, fought with my wife, took a pick
axe and destroyed the walls of my house saying there was no need of a house
any more. The neighbors wrenched the pick axe from my hand. Instantly I
picked up a knife to hack myself to death. The kindly neighbour forced
it out of my grasp. A deep gory gash on his own hand was the result.
The back pain resulting
from being beaten up by the police increased. So did my evil habits. Financial
straits forced me to dispose of the five cents of land I had to run the
case. An unceasing stream of disasters and troubles followed.
At this time a friend spoke
to me about the peace and joy Jesus gave and the miracles Jesus worked
at Divine Retreat Centre. "We cannot keep from speaking about what we have
seen and heard"(Acts 4:20). To attain the salvation Jesus gives I too must
attend the retreat, he insisted. With absolutely no faith in my heart,
accompanied by my wife, I attended the Saturday night adoration at Divine
for three consecutive weeks. With that my back ache was healed. There was
a new mental vigour. Under God's inspiration I began a small business.
The financial strain began to ease a bit.
Next I attended a retreat
at Divine in '92 September. But my heart was so full of the darkness of
sin, I could not accept Jesus. Fr Mathew Naickomparambil prayed over me
and said: "Your soul is darkened with sin. Pray much". After the retreat
I was reconciled with the parish priest. I began participating in the Eucharist
Sacrifice every day; and to work activily for abolishing alcoholism.
One day I attended the daily
prayer-service at Potta Ashram. Fr Mathew Elavungal prayed over me and
said. "You will be punished for your evil deed. But the sentence will be
shortened. God is arranging everything for your good. Thank him." Though
saddenned at the thought of the prison term, I praised God realising it
was his plan. In a fortnight I was sentenced to life-imprisonment. The
subsequent pain, terror, tears and humiliation are beyond description.
From the day I landed in
jail I began reciting the rosary. I wept profusely and prayed for the repose
of the soul of the brother whom I murdered unwittingly, and for his family.
All those behind bars were also included in my prayers that they might
be released and attain remission of sin.
In the meanwhile, I became
a victim of tuberculosis. I was only 32. I surrendered this malady-then
incurable-to God and prayed, decided once and for all to give up my vices
and to live for Jesus alone. Jesus gave me complete healing. From 1993
onwards he called me, the foremost sinner in the world, to become a server
at Holy Mass. Lord, I thank you for your limitless mercy!
It was at this time that
I obtained, with much difficulty, 10-days' parole. Of these ten days I
spent five in retreat at Divine. The Lord gave me more strength to pray.
On my return to jail, I was able to spend atleast five hours in prayer
daily. I asked pardon of those I had hurt by letter or in person. God showered
peace in my family. In a miraculous way, it became possible to reconstruct
my house. It was the Lord who built my house(cf Jer 30:18). He gave protection
to my children and saw that they were educated. I, who prayed continuously
for the release of my fellow prisoners, was privileged to get a severe
life-sentence in jail reduced to just eight years. In January '96 I again
got a parole of 30 days. God gave me the grace to pray, and give testimony
to his great mercy. I went again for a retreat. Inner purification took
place in a greater degree than at the two former retreats. When I prayed
according to the directives given by Fr George Panackal in his sermon,
several wicked sins I had committed in 35 years, were revealed to me. I
made a good confession. With that the darkness in my mind and heart took
flight. Joy flooded my soul. Fr Panackal announced during the hour of praise
that Jesus was touching brother Antony, come on bail from prison. From
that time onwards I was able to pray in tongues.
In a vision the Lord gave
me this message from Revelation: "I know your affliction and your poverty,
even though you are rich" (2:9).This verse has been fulfilled to the letter
in my life. I pray more now, read the Vachanolsavam and try my best to
circulate it. At present I am engaged in the prison-hospital doing evangelization
work among the sick.
"The Lord is good
to all, and his compassion is over all that he has made" (Ps 145:9)
Antony Vithayathil,
C. No 133333,
Central
Jail,
Kannur