Rebirth
From the Desert Land
of Restiveness
To the Oasis of Serenity
Politics attracted me right
from my adolescent years. It was the Leftist movement that became an obsession
with me. After my S S L C, I gave up higher studies to work full time as
a party worker and in 1999 joined the Naxalite movement. Mine was a total
dedication to atheistic and materialistic ideals. Though the whole of Kerala
was my field of action, my work was mainly centred in Kozhikode and Malappuram
districts. I assumed leadership positions in various trade unions, and
organisations of youth, farmers and students and also of the party. I also
gave the lead for a number of strikes and was jailed several times. It
was not possible to think of God during those years. Contact with the Church
or even those connected with the Church, was out of the question. Numberless
were the times I preached against God and religion. Moreover, I destroyed
the faith of many believers. At this time I entered into a registered marriage
which brought about many problems in its wake. I was driven out of my house.
My sisters threatened to commit suicide. So with the Bishop’s special permission,
I got my marriage rectified. With the birth of a child, problems intensified.
The relationship with my wife deteriorated so much that I filed a case
for divorce. I was a piles patient. Surgery and medication did no good.
I was totally crushed, physically, mentally and financially.
Obeying an inner impulse,
in 1992, I resigned from all positions of leadership and even from primary
membership of the party. Some time later, I was obliged to join the Indian
Communist Party which acknowledged my services, giving me leadership positions
in youth organisations and trade unions. I could not continue there for
long and resigned. At this time I became a slave to alcohol and many other
vices. To eke out a living, I started a small business which failed miserably
very soon.
A job in a close-by bar was
an incentive to sink deeper into the mire of sin. On the night of November,
1994 I heard a voice in my sleep telling me to quit this job. I woke up
with a shudder and looked around. I could not fall asleep after that. The
next morning I handed in my resignation. No amount of persuasion from colleagues
could change my decision.
On the advice of some friends,
I started a tea-shop in the interior of a village and lived in solitude.
People began persuading my wife to join me. This created more problems
and the spirit of revenge took hold of me. I decided to do away with my
wife’s relatives, who, I thought were responsible for all my misfortunes,
and set out for my destination. Waiting at the bus stop I saw a Biblical
verse written on a wall. This arrested my attention. It was as if someone
were speaking to me,
"For surely I know the
plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for
harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come
and pray to me, I will hear you.
When you search for me,
you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart" (Jer 29:11-13).
The words echoed and re-echoed
in my heart. I could not walk. A strange fear overcame me along with a
terrible restlessness. This prevented me from carrying out my resolve.
I could not fall asleep at night. A mental imbalance seemed to harass me.
Every night as I lay down to sleep, the arms of a man clad in white were
extended towards me. The word of God I had heard ealier, resounded in my
ears. And now came another. "Go for a retreat." I could not understand
anything, yet I said, "Yes, I shall go". I lit a lamp, but the terrible
fear could not be banished. I picked up the magazine on the table. Wonder
of wonders! It was a copy of Vachanolsavam somebody had dropped
in the tea shop. I read it eagerly and came to know of the Divine Retreat
Centre and all that was happening there. I resolved immediately to go for
a retreat the very next week. But the piles I was suffering from, had to
be operated on and I was hospitalised. I began bleeding profusely after
surgery. While in the hospital, I was able to attend a one-day prayer in
a near-by church. For the first time after 18 years, I called on God and
prayed that I might be well enough to attend the retreat. The bleeding
stopped and I took part in the retreat in the second week of January 1995.
All the preachers seemed to be ponting at me and all their words seemed
aimed at me. I, who never would cry even in the face of death, wept every
day of the retreat. After 18 years I made my peace with God through a good
confession. An experience of having become a new man! "Three families must
withdraw their court cases unconditionally," declared Father director.
"That is for you," said a voice to me. At once I decided to do so. The
rest of my life will be only for Jesus, I resolved. Father had said I should
meet him along with my wife. Humanly speaking, there was no possiblity
of a reconciliation. But without any human effort, God saw to it that my
wife and children came back to me. What was impossible with man, was possible
to God. This is what God made clear to me. I was reconciled also with my
in-laws. On the five cents of land they gave me, I put up a small house
and am now living happily. My wife too has come into the Renewal. From
the moment I surrendered my life fully to God, he kept showering innumerable
graces on our family. My physical infirmities are also fully healed.
My life is now spent in sharing
the word of God in my parish and neighbouring prayer groups and in giving
Christine retreats .
Praise and thanks
to you Jesus.
P P Georgekutty
Plathottathil
House,
Karapuram