O Happy Fault!

"O Happy Fault!" Sr M Carmilla AC

"Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her."
My head reeled with the dull pain. What a violent blow they’d given me as they hauled me up! My arms would have been torn out of their sockets,the way they pulled me along. The crowd of burly, beastly men-shouting and cursing me as if I were a dog- their heavy, heaving bodies hemming me in. I stumbled along hardly able to keep pace with their long strides, covered with shame and fright.

But where was he? My partner in sin? I veered around and peered from beneath my veil. There he was-slinking away as cool as a cucumber, his fading figure already a silhouette against the morning light. A sudden surge of hatred overcame me. Hatred for myself for falling into the hands of my captors, hatred for the man, who a while ago had shared with me the bitter-sweet pleasure of sin, but was now leaving me in the lurch; hatred for these brutes who were bent on doing me to death; hatred for the law, which would soon spread its deadly tentacles over a hapless victim; hatred for a society where a fallen woman was no better than a hunted animal while the fallen man went scot-free!

I clawed at the hulk of a man whose crushing weight against me repulsed me. They spat out the venom in their hearts: "Hurry up, you slut!" "You cannot run away from us!" An endless string of stinging insults! ...But then, did I hear aright? There were also words of spite aimed at someone else. I pricked up my ears. "This time he's not going to escape." "He'll surely fall into our trap." "The young pretender!" "What does he make himself out to be? The Messiah?" "The messiah, indeed! After all, is he not just a carpenter’s son? Pooh!"

The ruffian whose nauseating, sweating body huddled against me was the most vociferous. "If he lets her go, that ‘ll be sure evidence of flouting the law of Moses. And if he says, ‘Stone her,’ he'll be appropriating the power of the Romans to inflict death. Besides all his hypocrisy will be laid bare. The would-be Rabi! Preaching mercy! Bah!"

So that was it. I was only a snare. The prey was someone else. Who could it be? The young master from Galilee whom they called the Christ?

I fell with a heavy thud when they banged me against the wall of the Temple. They grabbed me rudely by the arm and pulled me up. The master was already there teaching with a crowd around him. The noise and din rose to a frenzy, the demonic voices crying for my life: "We caught her red- handed"; "Indulging in adultery!" "Say, master, does not Moses command such a one to be stoned to death?" "Speak Rabi! we want to hear what you have to say."

My knees began knocking together. A sudden hush fell upon the crowd. My head was bent low and eyes cast down. There was a finger scribbling on the ground-the master’s. What was he writing? My sins?

The crowd grew restive again, pestering him for an answer. The moving finger stopped. He straightened himself. His voice rose above their clamour: "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." He bent down and resumed writing. The words kept resounding in my ears: "He who is without sin." I wondered. How many of these could answer to this description? Didn’t I know!...

What was happening? The sound of retreating footsteps... The burly, hefty man, close at my side who seemed the oldest, was the first to leave. The air around cleared, seemed lighter. In no time the crowd dispersed. Still I did not move. And then came his voice piercing the silence: "Woman, has no one condemned you?" Gingerly I raised my head, "No one Lord," I said, daring for once to look into his eyes. And what did I hear! "Neither will I condemn you!"

Oh, was it for me, a vile wretch that this fountain of mercy gushed forth! I gazed and gazed. From those blessed eyes flowed a stream of grace.An avalanche rushing down the mountain slopes, like the cool showers after a hot summer’s day, like the fast-moving waters of a crystal clear river, like the music of angels wafted on a gentle breeze, like soft snow-flakes raining from above, like the streaming sunlight on a golden morn-came his loving-kindness engulfing me and setting me free. Deep calling unto deep! He, the holy One of God, and I the most abject of sinners! His voice sounded again: "Go your way and sin no more." Sin? Sin again? My entire past pressed upon my mind - the empty baubles of pleasure that I’d pursued, relentlessly, the sin-drenched thrills that brought in their wake nothing but misery. In a moment it was all washed away and I felt cleansed and purified. What worldly happiness could equal this moment of supreme bliss? To be forgiven by this spotless Son of God! And then sin again? Oh ! No! I’d rather be flayed alive a thousand times!

And yet, a strange exultation filled my soul. My wretched sinful state had touched the tender chords of mercy in his heart and opened the flood-gates of his love. I was glad I was a sinner, rejected and condemned by men, but forgiven and loved by the Son of Man.