Why Do I Believe
in Jesus?
First of all let me tell
you that I now believe in God who created me out of love and has safeguarded
me till this very moment. In the past, when ever I went to Church the priest
used to say "God is love." But unfortunately I could never believe that
God is love.
When a man is denied love
he cannot quite accept that God is love though he has heard this truth
many times . So this response is quite natural. Unfortunately, it seems
to be reasonable too. And denial of love brings distrust and the result
of distrust is suspicion. And suspicion takes the form of questions.
So if there is trust there
is no doubt. If there is no doubt there are no questions. I think a man
is not really bothered about questions but about the lack of trust. Hence,
once the lost trust is restored, questions simply vanish. This is what
happened in my life.
It was with a very heavy
heart that I participated in the "Retreat". I had thousands of questions
in my mind. The first day's services were over. I did not get an answer
to any of my questions. Instead my questions doubled. The second day also
passed. I did not get any answer.The third and fourth days also went by
in the same way.
On the fifth day I saw a
miracle; an eleven-year-old girl raising her paralysed arm. I could very
clearly see an indescribable light shining on her forearm. This happened
when we were going out for tea. People were clapping hands and praising
the Lord. But this miracle did not make any impact on my mind. I was not
looking for any signs or wonders. Even if I had seen a dead body brought
back to life I would not have believed in God. And so the fifth day also
passed without any spiritual experience.
It was the sixth and last
day. The morning and afternoon sessions were over. I began to think: what
a fool I am to come to a place like this in search of a God who does not
exist at all! One week simply wasted!
But I did not know that
God was watching over me patiently to pour out his love into me. At the
evening session, the priest was conducting a lengthy and deeply-moving
prayer on the stage. We were instructed to close our eyes. As the retreat
was going to end I decided to give it a try. I said, "God, if you are there,
why don’t you convince me? If you really exist, how nice it would be to
believe in you" I could hear the sound of people moving around me but I
did not care. I kept my eyes closed and waited for something unknown to
happen.
Then someone came in front
of me and placed his hand on my head. I could not understand what was happening
to me. My whole body began shivering; I felt a hot wave passing through
me. There is no word in the dictionary to express the happiness and joy
I experienced.adequately. Ecstasy? Sheer bliss? No human language is able
to describe God’s grace. My tension, fear, anxiety, distress, everything
flew away. I felt an interior calmness. I could not hate any body. I became
a transformed man. For the first time in my life I felt secure. I made
a futile attempt to remember the questions I used to ask. But there was
no question left in my mind. Instead, I was filled with love. The lost
trust was restored.
The Holy Spirit-experience
is a continuous celebration; celebration without a break! Can we imagine
a continuous celebration in a material realm?
The answer to all the questions
is God. That is why when one experiences God, (God is love) questions disappear.
We do not get literal answers to our questions but the questions simply
vanish. This is because the questions themselves were wrong, they originated
from the false imagination of a man who was denied love by other men.
Let me confess. Unless I
had experienced the sweet love of God in my inmost heart, I think I would
never have believed in God.
Now I have found that "precious
pearl’. In truth I did not find it but Jesus gave me an "imitation of it"
(a foretaste of heaven) , free of cost, and told me he wanted to sell the
real one to me. Now I am trying to buy it and I know even if I am to sell
all my wealth and even myself, it will not be sufficient to buy this invaluable
pearl. But I dare to go for it only because the Owner of the pearl is very
generous. He loves me too.
So my dear friends, don’t
you also want to buy it? There are lots of discounts and rebates which
nobody else in this world can offer.
Like a fossil tree from
which we gather no flowers sad was my state till I met Jesus in my life.
Baby
Varghese,
Vikhroli
East,
Mumbai