In one of the churches in Kerala, there is a box for petitions and another for thanksgiving placed before the statue of the Patron Saint. Once in the box for petitions, the following letter was found. It is printed verbatim.

"I am a IX std student. I study every subject pretty well. There is constant bickering between my father and mother . My dad drinks. We are Hindus. I believe in Jesus. I go to class daily only after paying a visit to the school chapel. I do not have peace of mind because of the quarrel between my parents. I have often thought of committing suicide. Both my parents love me very much. When I think of them and my little sister, I refrain from taking away my own life. But the temptation does not leave me. I am not able to study at all. I pray that God may lead me in the right path. I ask Jesus who reigns in heaven to stop the strife in my family."
 

Though this request was submitted at the feet of God as a prayer, it points to certain truths and psychological facts that all parents should know. The quarrelling and mutual hostility of parents fill the minds of the children with restlessness and insecurity. When parents try to defeat each other, it is the child who is, in fact, defeated. The girl who wrote this letter has some consolation - that her father and mother truly love her. Many other children do not have this conviction. Rather, parents are not able to instil this conviction in them. I have met several children and youngsters who lament, "When I see other children being loved and petted by their parents, I long for the same experience. My parents do not even know how to say a good word to me."

Today parents are bent on providing children with good food, clothing, shelter, books and educational facilities. There is no limit to the trouble they take to give them the best of every material good. But if these advantages must have the desired effect, parents need to attend to some other things as well. The atmosphere of peace and love in the home is equivalent to oxygen as far as children are concerned. In the absence of this atmosphere, children are unable to make use of other benefits. They are denied oxygen, the very breath of life, when parents indulge in mutual back-biting and out-bursts of temper. The young, delicate minds of children cannot bear the tension of an unsettled and strife-ridden family life.

St Paul advises parents how to bring up children. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord"(Eph 6:4). What does bringing up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord mean? Giving a lot of verbal advice is not what is envisaged here. The central message of this verse is that they should practice what Jesus has taught and be a good example to the children. Parents should be the living examples of complete, loving surrender according to the teachings of Jesus. The wife should be submissive to the husband as to Christ himself, because the husband is the head of the wife. Likewise, the husband should love his wife as Jesus loves the church, as if she were his own body(cf Eph 5:22-23).
 

When we read the above-mentioned letter, we are taken by surprise. How easily today's children think of suicide ! Is there a growing suicide culture in our country? Somehow the courage to face the challenges of life, its limitations and its stark realties is being eroded. The modern educational culture nurtures a false value that unless you are a first rank-holder, you are nothing. Life is considered as a race. If you fail to win the race, better give up competing and withdraw from life itself. This attitude does not suit a community that holds spiritual values as very dear.
 

Children learn the elementary lessons of mutual love from the family. Today, in many families, husbands and wives are engaged in open warfare; in others, a cold war drains away the love in the family. The children become scape-goats in such situations. In homes where there is no mutual love between husband and wife, anxiety and insecurity reign supreme. This lack of mutual love destroys the feeling of security and instils fear and worry in the children.

They do not have the stamina or spiritual strength to tackle life's problems in a creative manner. Thus, in face of difficulties, such children think of resorting to suicide.

In such homes, children receive distorted examples of love. When husband and wife are mentally aloof, each tries to appropriate the love of the children and distance them from the partner. That is, the wife wants the children to be attached to her and be aloof from the husband. Likewise, the husband wishes for the same satisfaction for himself. They make the children aware of the faults of the other parent. In the bargain, the children become the victims of this competitive spirit and see before them only distorted images of family affection.

The best wealth and gift parents can bequeath to their children is the family atmosphere charged with the divine glory of their mutual love. "Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward" (Ps 127:3).
 

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