Years passed by. Nevertheless I had a feeling of emptiness always humbling me. I was always harassed by worries, anger, tension, fear and so on. I was yearning for peace and inner calmness. It used to haunt me all the time. By October 1996, I was once again in Divine, wanting to experience Jesus and more importantly, peace and calmness.

Once inside the retreat hall, my mind wandered elsewhere, seldom listening to the word of God. I found the sermons utterly boring and repetitive. As the retreat approached to a close I became sad and cynical in not experiencing my God. I was fully disappointed and dejected. I could not find an explanation to my exclusion from his calling.

At the Muringoor Railway station, I met a young Mumbaite Mr Christin asking for direction to Ernakulam. He wanted to go to Mumbai. Naturally I wondered why somebody should go to Ernakulam in the opposite direction to reach Mumbai. He had a return reservation from there. But it could have been from Trichur, the nearest railway station to Divine in the same direction. But then it was God's plan which involved me also. One cannot look for logic or reason in God's wishes. I took him along since my immediate stop was Ernakulam. While on the journey, we shared our experiences. Christin had had a rich and extraordinary Holy Spirit experience, was even blessed with the gift of tongues during the retreat. He was full of joy and happiness. On the other hand, I was a bundle of disappointments and a feeling of emptiness. He consoled and promised to pray for me which suggestion I received happily. At the Ernakulam station, we both waited for our trains; mine due in 30 minutes and his in 3 hrs. As we talked, the Holy Spirit started working in us. I, who was bothered about my late-running train and the trivial things around, was chided by Christin who kept on speaking about his retreat experiences. He couldn't help interrupting me and saying, "It seems you are more bothered about these small things than Jesus whom I am speaking about". He continued, "Jesus wants your complete surrender which you are not willing to give. That is why he is hestitant to come to you." Those words struck me deep inside and forced me to introspection. Yes, he was right. I could now clearly visualize my attitudes during the retreat and my half-hearted approach to Jesus. My worldly worries and petty problems had clouded my mind, instead of my praying with all my heart, mind and energy. There I was just doing lip-service.

I felt repentant immediately and asked for God's forgiveness. A sudden gush of joy and hope entered my heart and transformed me completely. From being dejected and disappointed, I became calm, composed and cheerful. Christin kept on talking and now, I was listening to him eagerly, unaware of the surroundings or time. It was almost three hours since we arrived at the station. Now he wanted say bye and board his train which had by then arrived on, the platform. But what about my train? I was back to my senses. Nothing to worry. It had got further delayed and was now about to arrive. I thanked God that he had all the time to talk to me through Christin. "If God can delay trains to talk to me, he must be great," I thought in my mind. My real quest for him started from then onwards. At home I closed my room and started praying to him with all my heart till the early hours of the next day.

The next day was Mission Sunday. I went to Church as usual. I attended the Holy Mass attentively. For the first time in my life I understood the inner meanings of the prayers with unusual clarity as if from an inner computer. I found myself fully drawn into it with each word spoken hitting the inner-most layer of my heart. I had never before experienced this. My heart, mind and body were fully immersed in it, unmindful of the surroundings. Forget about the earlier hesitation in raising my hands. They were now fully stretched to touch his feet. During the Mass, God revealed to me persons against whom I had hatred and incidents which had caused me pain and sorrow right from my childhood days. It looked as if it were an endless list. I was able to forgive each and every one completely.

It was time for receiving Holy Communion. With prayful lips I also received Jesus. As I was trying to swallow the Host it was not going down my throat. I made an unsuccessful attempt. I prayed again, now with fear. He again revealed a few more persons whom I could never forgive. I had to make a choice. I decided for Jesus. I forgave them with a vow to personally talk to them afterwards. This continued for quite some time. The final blessing was over and now the Mass was also over. But God kept on revealing to me new and new persons from my past life. I continued forgiving. Now even the few remaining people were also leaving the Church. I cared about no one. I was in something more important. It was only after forgiving the last man that the Holy Communion would go down signifying God's entry into my purified heart.

Once I finished my prayers I was overflowing with joy and happiness surpassing all limits. It is very difficult to put it into words. It was as if I were in a state of ecstasy or bliss. I felt myself transformed into a new person with no malice or anger towards anyone. I had no more worries or tension and remained in this state for much of the day.

This was only the beginning. I had much happier experiences later on. The peace and joy experienced by me ever since is difficult to fathom. For those who doubt it as a figment of the imagination, I have my prayers to offer. The power of the foremost prayer, the Holy Mass and Holy Communion is incalculable. The Holy Spirit may make an approach to talk to you, may be even through your neighbour next door. What you need to do is pray and listen to him sincerely.