Those were the blessed moments when God's word fell in profusion like a shower of grace on the people gathered in the Assisi Retreat Centre. The class on Confession was in full swing. Among the several who slowly wended their way to the church after the class, was also Mathappan. Mathappan's eyes were making a swift survey of the people around him. He was wondering if his wife Pennamma would notice that he was not going for confession. Inside the church, as he lay prostrate, anxiety filled his heart- was his wife watching him? He kept looking back when his eyes fell on the tabernacle out of sheer curiosity. As his gaze was fixed on the Tabernacle shaped like a samovar in the tea-shop, a soft murmur fell upon his ears. It was very clear. "Whether you confess your sins or not, not one of your works in hidden from my eyes. If you acknowledge your sins before a priest whom I have authorised through the Church, I shall give you peace and joy." A slight reluctance at first restrained him. But then he jumped up, somehow managed to be the first in the queue before the confessional and with repentance poured forth the list of his sins, thus relieving himself of an unbearable burden. The blessed moments when Mathappan became a new man!
 
 

The man Mathappan, the owner of a Timber Mill, destined to convert the beauteous village of Panankara into a holy place guided by the inspiration of God! Let us say, Mathappan was illustrating how the Lord's plan in our life is fulfilled. His life is a saga of the journey from what he was to what he should have been. The beginning was from a state of utter lack of faith and belief in God. It was a time when the thirst for alcohol made a mess of his life. His business failed miserably. Bankruptcy increased day by day. In the moment of crisis, the one who came like a light into the midst of all this darkness was his relative Ouseppachan. It was he who persuaded him to go for a retreat. The last day of the retreat at Assisi remains memorable in his mind. The retreat came to a close with a melodious, meaningful and powerful farewell song.

The newness of the renewal which Mathappan experienced began changing his life style totally. His life became a witness in the parish prayer group and in other forums. He became a a member of the Advisory Committee of the Catholic Charismatic Movement and also the co-ordinator of the Kothamangalam zone of the Kerala Service Team. But even while burning with such zeal, his mind was restive-as if thirsting for something. Happiness was never total. The zonal election of KST was in June 1993 at the Karakunnam church. The day Mathappan would relinquish his responsibility arrived. He hurried to the church and waited for God's revelation of his will. But there was no need to wait at all. Yes, God was giving him another mandate. The sacristan Devassy and his wife, staying close to the church, made a sign to Mathappan. They had something to tell him. The night before they had heard a loud noise and the sight they saw was indeed a terrible one. There was a young woman, who had gone out of her mind and stripped naked, was running for her life, followed by a group of shouting and hooting ruffians. Devassy's wife caught hold of her, and gave her asylum in their home. Her name was Maya. She must be taken to a safe place. That was their need.
 
 

Maya was taken to P U Thomas who runs Navjivan Trust in Kottayam (The account of his work was published in the October issue of Vachanolsavam). Thomas, who already had too many patients on his hands, placed a proposal before them. Mathappan should take the three patients of his who had recovered and see they were rehabilitated safely somewhere. In that case he would accept Maya. Mathappan became silent and reflected. A strong urge welled up within him. If Thomas can do such wonders, why not I? The impetus that was born of that determination resulted in "Love Home". He consulted the parish priest and his spiritual director. With the blessing of the diocesan bishop, his dreams took wings. In a small rented portion of a house in Chathamattam this revolution of love was set afoot on September 13 1993. When he entered that house with the three mental patients on their road to recovery, a well-wisher remarked, "Mathappan, this is like jumping into a well in the dark".

"Just as it(the Gospel) is bearing fruit and growing in the whole world, so it has been bearing fruit among yourselves from the day you heard it and truly comprehended the grace of God"(Col 1:6).

"Love Home" is the refuge of the destitute, abandoned mentally-deranged women. Most of them are poor and hail from the streets. Moreover, they have never had any love or care in their lives. "They are like babies. Their behaviour, likes and dislikes are like those of infants. With only one difference. There is no change in this childhood. We have the expectation that children will grow and that their intelligence will increase daily. But with these women it is not so. Ordinarily when a patient is brought here she is first sent to the Painkulam Mental Care Centre. After two or three weeks, if the violent symptoms have subsided and the patient can subsist on medicines, she is brought to Love Home"-so says Mathappan about his dear children.
 
 

"I said, 'Ah, Lord God! Truly I do not know how to speak, for I am only a boy.' But the Lord said to me, Do not say, 'I am only a boy'; for you shall go to all to whom I send you, and you shall speak whatever I command you, Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord" (Jer 1:6-8). The children of 'Love Home' have only one father and one mother, that is, they have seen only Mathappan and wife Pennamma, who experience great fulfilment and satisfaction when they patiently answer their questions, comfort them and take remedial measures for their complaints. The tender-hearted volunteers there are building up an edifice of charity with their dedicated service. The ten of them working under the leadership of Liz Jacob, a parishoner of Josegiri near Rajakad, are models of selfless service.
 
 

"Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action" (1 Jn 3:18) .

Among the inmates there are some characters who cannot but be mentioned. The rag-picker known as Kuppi Mariyam was picked up from Thodupuzha. Her sisters Ambi and Ammini and all the family members are mental patients. Her brother Ponnappan, who has slightly regained his senses, supports the family and pays for their treatment. Off and on he comes to Love Home with two loaves of bread. To see him watch his sisters eat that bread is a sight that brings tears to the eyes, recalls Mathappan. Chellamma who was found at Kottayam Mangalam bus stop is another. So are unforgettable characters Bilkulsa Beevi a Muslim woman, brought from Kadambakkam, Lakshmi, Sharmala and Raju, the children of a dhobi from Pathanamthitta; the twins Pinto and Kunjhamma. In all there are 105 patients in the Love Home. Mathappan's right hand and overseer of this bhavan is eighty-year-old Chacko. It was by a special providence of God that Chacko arrived here. He was sorrowing over his son who was childless even after 22 years of marriage. Once he happened to visit Love Home. It was a time when Mathappan was undergoing a financial crisis. Touched by his pitiful plight, Chacko arrived the second time, with a new determination and a gift of Rupees one lakh. Still more was the gift of himself and his selfless service. God soon blessed his son with a baby boy.

Mathappan constantly kept the picture of the Good Shepherd in his mind. The Lord who was always mindful of him proved the greatness of his love. God once saved Mathappan in a miraculous manner from a huge debt which he never thought he could clear. When Love Home was at Kadavoor a man named Kuriachan from Kadanad came with a huge donation. Pennamma was unable to give a receipt at once as the receipt book was with Mathappan who had gone out. Kuriachan, certain that his name was written in the book of life, reassured her and left without a receipt. Another instance took place on the day of shifting from Kadavoor. There were no fans in the new house. Mental patients cannot stand excessive heat. At that time there came a young man on a motor cycle and handed him Rs 25,000. "My mother has told me to give it to you," he said, and sped away. Many such instances are preserved in Mathappan's heart.

"In all this I have given you an example that by such work we must support the weak, remembering the words of the Lord Jesus, for he himself said, 'It is more, blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20: 35)

There must be at least one such Love Home in every panchayat-this is Mathappan's exhortation to the outside world-so great is the number of helpless people who wander along the streets. There are still gems in the garbage bin. Gems that have lost their lustre and have become valueless in human eyes. If these gems must be discovered there must be more Love Homes. Let us pray that the flame of this revolution of love may blaze throughout the world. Thus will the message of Jesus' love be experienced by all people.